New Blog Address
In the name of simplification, I am discontinuing the embody yourself blog. I have transferred all of these entries and will continue the journey at:
Thanks for your interest!
Every Woman Is Beauty
I am continually inspired in my work by the beautiful, intelligent and creative women that emerge from the throes of an eating disorder as the healing process of recovery starts to take root. One of these amazing women, Kimberly Jones, is currently putting together a benefit to raise money for a scholarship to Tapestry’s residential eating disorder program in Brevard, NC. She was inspired by the support she has received on her journey, as well as another awe-some alumni, Heather Purdin, who organized a similar benefit last October. Likewise, Heather was inspired by three teenage girls who started a non-profit, Project Heal (Help to: Eat, Accept & Live), to raise money for people suffering from eating disorders who cannot afford treatment.
I love how this ripple of inspiration is flowing wider and wider.
I often ask my clients: What would you be doing with your energy if it were freed up from your struggles with food and body image? This is a process I affectionately refer to in my own life as ‘Bust Out and Sparkle.’ Kimberly, Heather and the women of Project Heal have used their energy to create opportunities for other women to heal and start down the path of recovery. As women heal from eating disorders, one by one, they will be free to use their energy to add their unique strength, passion and beauty to this world. And we are living in an age where the world desperately needs everyone’s strength, everyone’s passion and everyone’s beauty for its own healing.
So I invite you to join me in creating an opportunity for another woman to bust out and sparkle by attending the Heal Tapestry Fundraiser on May 27th. There will be live music, raffle prizes, a hula hoop performance by the goddesses of Asheville Hoops Troupe, eating disorder awareness, free food and fun. Tickets can be purchased in advance for $15. They are also still looking for donations for the raffle if YOU are feeling inspired. To purchase tickets or donate to the raffle contact Kimberly Jones at thehealtapestryfund@gmail.com.
Every woman is beautiful and deserves a chance, and the world deserves a chance to experience every woman’s beauty.
Hope to see you May 27th!
Walk in Beauty
Four years ago I was working very comfortably as a Qualified Professional for Appalachian Counseling doing case management and brief therapy for people with mental health issues. I was good at what I did and it came easy for me. The owner of Appalachian Counseling, Jane Ferguson, had just opened a new residential treatment center for women with eating disorders in Brevard – Tapestry. She was looking to hire a new therapist for Tapestry and out of the blue called me and asked if I would be interested in interviewing. At first, to myself, I said an immediate ‘H*** no!’ I had some experience working with this population and knew that the issues they faced were very close to home to my own challenges. I also knew I had a lot to learn in order to help these women in an effective way. Luckily, I kept that ‘H*** no!’ to myself. I went home and talked over this opportunity with my husband. He made an excellent point… how often does a person receive a call like this one, a call to take the next step in their professional and personal journey? I felt honored that Jane saw some potential in me that I had not recognized myself. I heard the call and accepted the challenge and have been working for Tapestry ever since.
Over the last four years I have come to see my work at Tapestry as Feminist Activism. I work to help empower women, one at a time, by planting seeds to free them from their struggles with food and body image. In the recovery process, it is often said that body image is the last and hardest thing to shift. This makes sense because in our current society it is truly a radical practice for women to reject the physical “ideals” that are being sold to us. More and more I am seeing that external struggles with body image are playing out internal struggles with how a person values oneself. Body image can shift as a person begins to connect to and embrace their authentic Self and live from that place. In the process of helping people heal their food and body issues, I feel grateful for the opportunity to serve as a midwife for the true Self.
Throughout my process, I have been interested in the concept of beauty and how a woman can reclaim her own beauty. A clue that beauty was an important aspect of what drew me to this work was offered to me the very first Family Weekend I was involved in at Tapestry. During this weekend, the father of one of the residents, a man who had some Native American heritage, shared a poem that intrigued me. It was the following traditional Navajo prayer:
In beauty may I walk
All day long may I walk
With beauty before me may I walk
With beauty behind me may I walk
With beauty above me may I walk
With beauty all around me may I walk
Walk in beauty
Walk in beauty
Sensing the deeply spiritual understanding of beauty held by the Navajo Indians, I wanted to learn more about this prayer. My research efforts on the internet proved to be less than satisfyng. I learned of a ceremony called the Beautyway in which the Navajo participate to regain a sense of Beauty, Balance and Harmony. I would really love to know more about this ceremony first hand so if anyone reading this post could connect me to someone who might have more information I would be so thrilled. I did see the following definition: The concept ‘to walk in beauty’ is the process of being connected to one’s true Self – the Soul self. This definition resonates with my own understanding of what makes a person beautiful. Through the process of gaining Self-Knowledge, I have worked to connect to and embody my own sense of beauty, so naturally this is what I value in the work I do as a counselor.
Self-knowledge seems to be the thread that connects my various interests and obsessions. Counseling, yoga, songwriting, expressive arts, the enneagram, tarot, astrology, internal family systems, my relationships – all are tools for gaining deeper Self-knowledge and therefore gaining a deeper sense of one’s beauty. In my own Beauty walk, it is time to further my exploration into beauty with the Reclaiming Beauty Playshop. I am excited to be starting a 6 week Reclaiming Beauty pilot group. I have invited some friends to join me in experimenting with the reclaiming beauty ideas. I look forward to deepening this exploration and sharing it with others.
What is your definition of beauty? Is it wide enough to include your Self? In what ways do you embody your Self-knowledge and therefore your beauty?
I will leave you with a beauty way perspective on the Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation offered from one of my yoga teachers, John Friend, creator of Anusara Yoga:
May all beings, including myself, be free from pain and suffering
May we all awaken to the essential goodness and beauty that shines in our hearts
I honor the beauty within you from the beauty within me
Walk in beauty
Image: Anahata Katkin
New Year New Shoes
I love how my new Saucony Prorigid Ride 3 running shoes glow phosphorescent against the gray, rainy sky of New Year’s Day 2011 here in Asheville. Feels like a metaphor!
Dreaming about my New Year’s intentions…
Will keep ya posted…
Happy New Year!
We may be ugly, but we are here: Gratitude as a reclaiming beauty practice
Last Spring, as I was driving home from work, I heard a powerful report on NPR about the recovery effort in Haiti after the worst earthquake in the country’s history occurred January 12, 2010. The aftermath of this devastating earthquake, which left more than 250,000 dead and up to 1.5 million homeless, truly tested the resiliency of the Haitian people. However, I was struck by the reported motto of the Haitian people in the face of this tragedy: “Nou Met Led Me Nou La!” which translates to, “We may be ugly, but we are here.”
In the context of my work with women who struggle with disordered eating and body image issues, this statement was mind-blowing. It is amazing how quickly the important aspects of life are put in perspective when reflecting on this level of human loss and suffering. And how powerful the expression of gratitude at the most basic gift of life.
For weeks after I heard this story, whenever I would hear a client struggling with their body image, the uncensored version of me would want to shout loudly: “You may be ugly, but you are here!” Luckily, I recognized that this kind of statement would most likely not communicate empathy to my clients like they are used to receiving from me. After all, I am usually the one that educates them on the various factors that make a person susceptible to negative body image including low self-esteem, societal and familial messages, biological vulnerability in the form of perfectionistic and obsessive-compulsive traits, developmental history and trauma history. With this level of understanding, I would never want to communicate a simplistic, snap-out-of-it message like: ‘Get over yourself and appreciate what you have!’ Yet, I do see a benefit in sharing this Haitian recovery motto with my clients - developing a mindfulness practice of replacing bad body thoughts with gratitude thoughts.
Bad body thoughts, no matter what their root, can become a repetitive tape in a person’s head. Eventually, people who struggle with negative body image may not even realize what triggers them to start thinking the disparaging thoughts – they have become a well-worn pathway in the brain. But the exciting truth that meditators have known from experience, and researchers are now proving, is that we can train our minds and change our brains by using mindfulness. We can replace the bad body thought pathways with new pathways of gratitude.
Mindfulness, as defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgement. Using gratitude as a reclaiming beauty practice, a person becomes aware of their mind starting down the path of bad body thoughts, without judgement, and then shifts their focus to gratitude. This process creates a new mental filter of appreciation. What CAN you appreciate about your body? Shift your focus from FORM to FUNCTION.
A daily gratitude practice can be a helpful tool in training your brain to shift its focus. Here are some ideas from M.J. Ryan’s book, Attitudes of Gratitude:
~ Identify 3 things you are grateful for today and what is your part in them?
~ How could things be worse? I’m glad I’m not…
~ When you are struggling, look for the “gift in the wound.” Ask yourself: How have I grown through this difficulty?
I am grateful for the blessings around me, which I can appreciate best when I am attending to them- my beautiful son and husband, our home, my family and friends, fulfilling work, a healthy back so I can move my body again, motherhood and creative outlets. In this season of giving thanks, I am happy to join in the chorus: We may be ugly, but we are here!
You are NOT ugly, but you ARE here! What are you feeling thankful for?
Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.
